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Sometimes, Jay Spring feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments often turn “really delusional”, he states. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘The world will recognize that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically followed by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels overwhelmed and embarrassed about his conduct, making him particularly vulnerable to disapproval from others. He began to think he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and eventually diagnosed by a professional. But, he doubts he would have agreed with the assessment unless he had previously arrived at that conclusion personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – especially if they experience beliefs of dominance. They operate in an altered state that they’ve built up. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

Although people have been called narcissists for more than a century, the meaning can be ambiguous what people refer to as the diagnosis. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” states a psychology professor, who believes the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people keep it private, as there is so much stigma linked to the illness. A narcissist will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to bolster one’s self-esteem through behaviors including pursuing power,” the expert clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

Though three-quarters of people diagnosed with NPD are males, studies indicates this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is frequently manifests in the covert form, which is under-identified. Male narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” explains a young adult who discusses her dual diagnosis on online channels. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

First-Hand Experiences

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she shares, “because if I hear that the problem is me, I tend to switch to self-protection or I completely shut down.” Even with this behavior – which is often called “narcissistic injury”, she has been attempting to address it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she strives not to return into the harmful behaviour of her past. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she reveals. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she says she and her partner “have a dynamic where I told him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if I say something manipulative, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have healthy examples as a child. It’s been a process of understanding continuously which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because I never had that in my formative years,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my family members were criticizing me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be linked to childhood challenges. Genetics play a role,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the NPD-diagnosed people, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he admits. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with feelings. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his doctor, he was directed to a therapist for an diagnosis and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the treatment delay for an extended period: “They said it is expected around maybe February or March next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a small circle about his condition, because “there’s a big stigma that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, privately, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he explains. All of the people have come to terms with NPD and are pursuing treatment for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the disorder. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number